I was planning on quitting the old j.o.b. in the middle of June.
I wanted to get my work child safely to the end of the school year and try to squeeze out as many more good times with my awesome, amazing co-workers, as I possibly could.
You know how you think you can suffer through something and it wont be so bad? You know how deep down inside you actually know better and no amount of optimism and bull headedness can put off what your mind, body and soul have been trying to tell you for four years?
Yeah…my plan has gone awry!
I feel like my body has been taking me through freeze, fight and flight this whole time. Once fight didn’t work at getting me out of there, -I actually adore fight, ha- its been trying flight but I was too stubborn and focussed on my end goal and willfully ignored all the signs. Flight doesn’t care. Flight just amps it all up! I soon found myself dreading each day because my mind, body, soul was pulling out ALL the stops to get me to flee a very unhealthy situation. Last Wednesday well before a shit show of a staff meeting, my brain was cheerfully suggesting it might be better to slice my own jugular rather than go into work.
Yeah, that got my attention loud and clear. I may be stubborn and slow but stupid I am not. I gave my notice that night and here we are, embarking on my last week of work. Hallelujah!
I have to laugh at myself because… really? Really?!! Did I seriously think I could out run or out smart such a force? What’s meant to be will always be, one way or another.
This is a lesson is listening to ones intuition.
This is a lesson in wisdom over knowledge. Just because one knows something doesn’t mean they are wise enough to take action. I’m only truly wise if I do something with my knowledge.
And as always, this is a lesson in uncertainty and impermanence!
Its interesting going into a big change like this with acceptance and curiosity over fear and reluctance. I am certainly grateful for it!
We’ll see what transpires next.