Before my life and marriage blew up in my face I used to think taking too much time and care with my appearance was vain and conceited. I wanted people to see me as I was, whatever that looked like in that moment. They could take me or leave me, I really gave no fucks about it either way.
I am a very au natural person anyway so this was the perfect attitude for me but the truth was, I had let my self go and was justifying it as authenticity.
I had stopped giving a shit about me. Who I was as a person. The very first slip down that slippery slide was when I gave up on my appearance and called it “being authentic”.
I was due for a haircut shortly after the blow up and knowing full well that I always felt so damn good afterwards, decided to really go all out. As you can imagine, I really needed to feel good, so I chose a high end salon and got the works! It cost a fucking fortune but you know what, it was so worth it.
In my angry and hurting state, I called my new look “revenge hair” and my stylist/therapist/new BFF and I laughed and laughed and laughed. She was -still is-an amazing person. Wise, open and freely giving me her heart.
She spun me around in the chair and shared with me her theory on well being.
When we feel good on the inside, we look good on the outside and vice versa. There is real power in taking care of ones appearance because it can help you see yourself in a more positive light, even if you don’t necessarily feel it in that moment. You will! Eventually. Its vital, no matter what is going on in your life, to make an effort to look good, as you. However you go about that, make sure you do. It shows your body, mind and soul that you know you are a worthy being and are cared for. It shows others that you know you are a worthy being and have no problems caring for yourself and they’d best treat you as well as you treat you, too.
Her words really stuck with me. It took a wee bit of extra effort, keeping up my look but you know, every single day, when I looked in the mirror and saw that best version of me, I felt a little spark of recognition. There she is! That woman, who is strong and fierce and loving and kind. That woman who is capable, and resilient. That woman who kicks ass at everything thing she does. That woman who has survived so much and will survive this too.
It seems silly to say but its true, just that small, seemingly frivolous act really helped me on my healing journey and was an effective tool, in helping me love myself again.
I still make an effort to this day. Doing my hair, putting on a spot of lipstick, moisturizing my skin, wearing nice scents. Hell, even cutting my toenails is an act of self love that makes me feel good. So if you’ve given up on your appearance and are feeling like shit, try one small thing and see if it works for you.
Its not about what you look like, its not about the end result. Its about loving yourself and treating yourself right. However that looks to you. And hey, if loving yourself means you don’t do any of this shit…then don’t! That is an act of self love too.
Love and Squishy Hugs!