When we take on the task of loving ourselves first, we become responsible for everything within our world, including entertaining ourselves.
During my marriage break down, it became so apparent to me that I had become dependant on my husband for all of my entertainment needs. We both had. Ugh. I cringe at the thought.
Imagine the pressure that put on him? Imagine the disappointment I felt when he didn’t meet my needs because really, how could he?
So upon the advice of a friend,and inspired by countless articles about how to be happy and content with one’s self, I started to take myself out.
My goal was to get out of my house, away from my husband for two nights a week.
What the hell was I going to do with myself? What the hell was my husband going to be doing?
My anxiety was screaming at me to stay inside but I listened to the wise words of my friend and took that first step.
She had once been a very large lady, struggling to get herself into a gym. She was so intimidated by the thought of all those people looking at her and judging her, that she found herself paralyzed with fear. But she learned all she had to do was get one foot in the door. That was it! The rest would follow. Whatever the rest was to be.
So I did that. Instead of one foot in the door, my focus was getting one foot out the door! I just had to step out onto my front porch. The rest would come.
And it did. I took myself for long walks, I went out for coffee, I walked over to a strip mall and poked around the stores, I went to the bookstore. I didn’t do anything crazy expensive or wild, I just took myself out, listening to whatever whim popped into my head at the time.
At first, I was anxious and desperate to get back home to my husband to fix our marriage but eventually I came to really enjoy my time away. My dates with myself became vital in helping me learn to love,value and appreciate myself again. Because lets face it, that should have been my focus all along.
My absences showed me (and him) that I am my own person. They gave me something new and different to talk about with people thus making me feel more interesting and confident. They gave me time and space to be Lael, the human, as opposed to Lael, the wife. Being alone, away from my spouse showed me that I was strong and capable and able to be independent.
I found that I was content and happy to be by myself, doing whatever. There is a real power in that. Especially in a person whose whole world had fallen apart at the threat of a marriage break up. I now KNOW, I am just fine on my own. Just fine.
And I continue to be just fine. I still go out twice a week. Its winter here and the weather is brutal, so on nights that I’m not keen to leave my house, I leave the room. I go into my art room, just to get out of his sight and have some alone time.
I’ve gone from a fearful woman who forces herself out and rushes home in an anxious state to someone who starts to get owly if she doesn’t get her date nights/alone time.
And that makes me so proud of myself.
How about you? Do you go out on your own? How do you like to spend time alone with yourself? What do you think about the whole idea?