Let Mama Lael tell you a little story:
Just about a year ago there was a fabulous woman. (me) She was a bit of a nut but a joyful, loving, bright little nut who had friends who loved her, a job she was good at and many, many, many redeeming qualities.
For years she’d been married to a man who, like every other human on earth, had some issues.
These issues of his spilled out onto his wife and did some damage, caused some hurt. Our bright little nut was doing her very best to heal from this damage but still found herself grasping for attention, reassurance and affection from her man. She thought she needed it as proof of his love, which to her equaled proof of her worth.
She knew this was a bit fucked up and was doing the good work to correct this huge misconception she’d picked up somewhere along the way, when finally, sick of her own shit, she grew angry.
Angry with him, foolishly so, for not giving her what she needed, even though she knew he was just not capable of it at the time due to his mental state.
And then furious, fucking furious at herself.
Fuck him! Fuck me! And fuck this shit! I’ll just love my own damn self! she said to herself as a strange feeling of release forced itself out of her chest and into the world we all live in.
It felt like she’d given birth to something, out of her heart. It was very small and tender but our bright little nut knew she needed to take care of whatever it was and so she did, protecting it and loving it as she would her most precious friend. For it was her most precious friend. It was the love she’d always had for herself, finally jarred loose. She found herself, giggling softly. Then laughing. Then snorting and guffawing in that same classroom-good thing she was mostly alone!-as she realized that she’d been putting the key to her own happiness in the hands of another.
“Dork!” she chided ,and then and there our bright little nut, vowed to take total responsibility for all things in her life. To trust herself, to love herself and to honour herself. Her journey has been all over the place and its not over yet. There is still so much to learn and she remembers that while she may not know everything, she sure is curious, open and enthusiastic about everything so maybe that doesn’t matter much.
And this is why, I, Ms. L, the bright little nut (ok. plain old nut) am so bloody ferocious when it comes to loving myself and encouraging others to love themselves too.
Its February which has got me thinking about love, Be Mine and all that crap.
Don’t get me wrong, I love LOVE . I’m even surprising my Hubs with 14 days of silly gifts because a. I love him. b. I find the 14th is really geared more toward women and I’d like to change that. c. I want to play too!
But come on! We all know by now that Valentines day is just some made up occasion trying to get us (and guilt us) into buying more crap we don’t need.
Some times, if you’re not careful you can even fall into the trap of feeling “less than” if you don’t have a loving partner, this time of year. As if your value and worth are only valid if you’re able to provide proof from another.
Fuck that! I say fuck that this month and fuck that ALL months because, the truth of it is you, me, we need to love our own damn selves.
Let me yell that out a little louder.
YOU NEED TO LOVE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF.
Before anyone or anything.
As you just read, I recently learned this lesson which is why I’m yelling it out at you, much like some one who’s been born again and is really, really, REALLY enthusiastic about it.
I think we need to steal February 14th away from the card shops, florists and chocolatiers and give ourselves some of the love we so eagerly shower on others.
In the following weeks I’m going to be sharing with you some of the things I learned and am stilling learning, as I journey through this relationship with the coolest chick in the world (me) in the hopes that you’ll find your own inspiration and step up your game in your relationship with the coolest human in your life (you).