In June 2016, as a gift to myself in Lune, I bought a meditation app.
Id been meditating half-assed for years prior to this. Trying to sit and “still the mind”, finding that to be IMPOSSIBLE – a common problem and feeling nothing but frustration and angst. The very opposite of what I thought meditation was supposed to be.
I found walking to be meditative so of course I did that but the realization that I needed something to focus on, inspired a sort of “Ah ha” moment and I started to meditate while watching incense smoke, then while watching videos of the ocean.
Eventually I came across guided meditation videos and started using those too. All free of course, with varying degrees of effectiveness and suitability. None of which were really mind-blowing or anything but it was a good start and I was committed to the process.
Well, all that meditating must have unlocked another level of intelligence or something because one day I said out loud to myself-They must make a fucking app for this!-and well yes they do (dummy!) and I promptly downloaded like ten different ones. And that made ALL the difference.
Having something, on such a small portable device was so helpful! I could just grab my phone and meditate, anytime and anywhere. I eventually settled on just one app, Calm. It was free to access some of their material but after the first session it was love at first listen and I bought a subscription.
I can’t even remember what I paid for it…something like 34 bucks a year and SO WORTH IT!
(Check it out, if that’s your jam)
Finally, I was meditating with much more ease, even though I was still my usual half-assed self. Missing days, here and there. Eventually, I could see that even with that, I was experiencing great benefits. The anxiety was less. I actually could experience “the pause” between emotions, thoughts, words, and actions. I just felt better.
I wanted more of this, obviously, so I vowed to meditate every.single.day. It was a real challenge but I eventually got a good streak going. Thirty two days of meditating, total.
I was the smuggiest asshole of all meditators, let me tell you!
Then, as these things happen, I started slacking off and the big trauma happened and ha, after that, even though I needed to meditate more than ever, I was just never able to keep it going for longer than a week.
There’s a section on the app, that shows you your progress, streak and all and that little number called out to me for one year and three months.
Beat me, it said. You can do it! It’s good for you! You’ll feel so proud.
And I do! Just the other day, I managed to break my streak! Woot Woot!
Thirty Six days strong. Look at me go.
I feel like I’ve defeated something negative within myself and of course, I’m also enjoying all the benefits that come from meditating consistently for longer than a week again.
I’m aiming for sixty days next. I’m really curious to see what positive changes come about, if any. Will I get double the benefits? Will it even out eventually? Will I develop some mysterious super power? Stay tuned.