I don’t know.

Every year I pick a word that becomes my theme, if you will, for the 12 months to follow.

Last year, I failed this in an epic way. I picked a word but I was so busy healing from all the trauma that pretty much the second I picked it, the word vanished from mind and memory.

This year I’m back on track and instead of a word, I’ve got a phrase.

I don’t know.

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Ha!

That’s it. That’s the phrase.

I don’t know.

It came to me during a conversation with a friend at work.

We’re prone to having these quick little conversations when we’re short on kids and no one else is around. They are intense, profound, positive, enlightening and oh so valuable. I come away feeling like I’ve been in a mini mutual therapy session.

Miss. B was saying that the more she lives her life, the less she knows. She always “not known” but is only just realizing this now. She finds that just as soon as she feels like she’s got it all together and has some wisdom under her belt…out comes the rug from underneath her and she’s right back at square one again! Humbled and struggling, all prior wisdom lost in the suffering or just not applicable to the current situation.

And isn’t that the truth! How many times have you been trucking along, thinking to yourself -Wow!  I’ve got this whole life thing down!- only to experience a loss or a challenge or a struggle that shows you exactly where you are on the smart chart.

I was nodding and laughing and agreeing with her every word. I felt the same when my whole world fell apart too.

I still cling so hard to the certainty of all things, especially my so-called” knowledge” . I think the anxiety needs me to be a know it all, and trust me: I comply! The scary truth of that matter is: I don’t know shit!

How can I when life is uncertain and impermanent ?! Its laughable to believe that I know anything other than what is happening, right in front of my face in the present moment. And hell, even sometimes that is still a mystery.

That’s why this year, is the year of I DONT KNOW. I’m going to try to approach each day with a beginner’s mind. I’m going to try to live through curiosity rather than…I don’t even know what to call it…delusional certainty, maybe? I don’t know!

Isn’t that beautiful? Three little words.

I don’t know.

So much power and freedom lie within them.

So much peace and calm.

How about you? What’s your theme for 2018?

 

 

4 thoughts on “I don’t know.

  1. Nice to hear someone else also picks a word or phrase to guide them through the year. For whatever reason, I select mine in September. Also nice to see that your phrase is sans ego. The world might be a better place if more people were humble enough to state they don’t know (and perhaps be curious enough to find out).

    Like

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