One thing I’ve learned in my most important relationship(L+L) is this; in order to have faith, confidence and feel secure in yourself, you need to be able to trust yourself.
How can one do this?
By keeping the promises you make to yourself.
Whaaaaat..am I talking about?
You know all those goals you set and things you say you’re gonna do?
You are in effect, making promises to yourself to accomplish them, right?
And every time you flake out on something, you’re breaking a promise you made to yourself. Essentially. Right?
Can you imagine how fucking awesome it would be if you took the words you said to yourself seriously, and accomplished some more of those things? How good you’d feel?
You’d have confidence coming out the yin yang and so much faith in yourself. More than you do now.
You’d would be the most powerful YOU, there ever was!
I`ve been doing this mindfully for the past few months and have found that’s its a really positive way to maintain my loving relationship with self.
What does this even look like?
Its pretty simple really. You`re already doing it in so many areas of your life. With so many different people.
You just keep your word. Decide, right here and now that your word is your bond, especially when it comes to you.
It can be something huge like forcing yourself to do something you`re scared to do. A solo trip to Peru even though the thought of travelling alone makes you want to vomit. Or maybe its finally getting your drivers license. Whatever is scary to you.
Or something small, like remembering to fold your laundry and put it away, or getting yourself out there every day for a nice walk.
It all matters!
Each promise you keep, builds up your store of self-worth.
You know you keep your word. Big or small, doesn`t matter. The more promises you make and keep, the more trust you have in yourself. The more trust you have in yourself, the more confident and secure you feel in your own life.
Plus, I find that it’s another way to set boundaries in a manner that makes more sense( to me, anyway ) than say ~laying down the law with people. I can relate to the idea of keeping a promise to myself better than I can relate to an idea of say-standing up to someone. The latter seems like something outside of who I am, like a barrier. A wall to put up and defend. What a lot of work! Very me against them. Very negative. Conflict. The former is more like me for me. No fight. No aggression. No conflict. Just me…for…me. Positive. Affirming. Powerful.
I promise myself that I will never let my husband`s mental illness affect me in any major negative way, ever again.
He can do him and I can do me. I don’t have to watch his behavior and stress over what he is or is not doing. I only have to watch myself and love him for who he is, mental illness and all. It frees me to love him. Totally. As he is. It releases me from trying to fix him or cure him and puts the onus on him to take care of himself. It forces both of us, to take responsibility for ourselves. Totally.
It’s not personal, its policy. Its my personal policy to protect myself in this way.
I know that my word is good. I know that I have the skills I need to navigate the swirling water should I be flung into the deep, out of my control. I know I won’t drown because I always keep my word. I will keep my word and do what I need to do to protect myself, even if that thing is big and scary and makes me want to vomit.
I trust myself.
Because I know this, I have an easier time of living in the now. I can enjoy all the good, as it is, NOW. There is less panicking when he has an episode because I know…I’ve got this. I can give him love or give him space. Or give ME love and space and let the moment pass, taking it as it comes. How beautiful to be able to love someone while still loving yourself, with such freedom and ease! Less stress, less fear. Just the now. Just this. As it is.
One big part of making and keeping promises is truth. You have to be able to get really honest with yourself about stuff. Why are you making this promise in the first place?
I had to recognize that my entire life was revolving around his mental illness, that I had allowed that to happen.
Then you have to be brave. It requires bravery to face your fears/truths. Especially when you always keep your word.
I knew that any promise I made was going to be kept and I had to be 100% certain that I was committed to sticking through with it. It was easy for me in this regard because I`d allowed myself to be hurt by his illness so many fucking times, and I`d had quite enough, thankyouverymuch!
I just recently made a promise to myself regarding the way I make a living. This one feels especially challenging because to be brave and keep this promise, I have to potentially leave beings who are very dear to me, and me to them. It’d be a thousand times easier to just suck it up for the millionth time and stay put but I can’t and I wont. I promised myself something different. And I always keep my promises!
What promises are you going to keep?